Now, rewind. That's right, before you reading this, before me typing it, to just me thinking about how I feel, but imagine with no words attached, just fuzzy concepts that have never been discussed with another human.
I'd feel so... separate, severed, different, disengaged from the speaking, communicating world. Imagine seeing lips moving, people seeming to respond to others' lips moving but when you try to move your lips, no one even looks at you and never responds. It's crazy to imagine.
But that's the world my daughter lives in.
And I absolutely CANNOT WAIT to give her the GIFT of language. Remember, not only is Katie profoundly deaf, but she is not being taught any sign language AT ALL, and if she was to remain in China, would not go to a school to learn some sign until around the age of 8, as far as I understand.
She has NO language.
I mentioned earlier today to a friend that my end goal for Katie is not speech. My end goal for her is not even necessarily sign. (I imagine in the next several years, she'll do both to a degree, depending on many factors). My goal for Katie is COMMUNICATION, however best she finds to express herself and engage the world around her. I have this constantly on my mind.
I've heard this song before, (and realize it was written with a different meaning in mind) but I wept tonight as I heard it, thinking of Katie's "history of silence", literally, and how I can't wait to see "the words (OR SIGNS-- just SOME language) fall out"... and see her world of silence shatter open and her to sign something, ANYTHING to her Mommy and to see the look on her face when I understand her, and respond back with sign.
Oh, the GIFT of language, how we take it for granted! Katie, we're working hard, baby, to get you home and to teach you how to express yourself. You have SO much history, SO much on your mind and in your heart sweet girl. I want to help you get those very valid thoughts and feelings out of the cage of silence and brought into the light through sign language/ speech/ communication. This journey together won't always be easy but I promise I'll be brave, and I'll keep trusting Jesus to help me every hour. You will always, always, always have an audience with me and Daddy! Mommy and Daddy love you, Katie Grace!
Here it is:
(You can go to the YouTube link here if you need to: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dyAfjUHlFSM)