Hearts Set on Pilgrimage: Empathy wins

Tuesday, August 18, 2015

Empathy wins

So today at the pond, there were two tween girls (around 9 or 10 years old) who were building a moat in the sand. Katie stood in the middle of it until I came and pulled her out. I apologized and I heard Girl 1 say under her breath to Girl 2, "How rude!"
Me: "She didn't understand, she has autism."
Girl 2 (embarrassed): "It's okay, we know."
I brought Katie back over to the water (about 5 feet from them) and I heard Girl 1 mocking me and snickering. I ignored it. But THEN Girl 1 noticed Katie's ears. Ohhh boy, my heart sank. She grimaced, pointed, whispered wildly to Girl 2, who looked embarrassed again. I had a choice in that moment...
I slowly scooted back over, closer to the girls. "Hi Girls, if you have a question about my baby, it's okay, you can just ask me. She's my miracle girl and the happiest child I've ever known." I told them a bit about what makes Katie so special and about adoption and my dream to adopt since I was young like them. Girl 1 shrugged and backed away. Girl 2 softened, smiled, and listened intently. She finally said, "So, then she's like your dream come true!" I said yes and then overheard Girl 2 as she then said to Girl 1 about Katie "She's so adorable!" and I knew that my choice to calmly educate instead of recoiling and fuming was WORTH IT. Empathy is best modeled by parents though. Parents, PLEASE have an open conversation with your kids about children who are different. Empathy when displayed, is a beautiful thing. ‪#‎empathywins

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ADOPTION Timeline of EVENTS

Winter 2012- Completely weaned off my medicine for my gastroparesis, a condition in which my stomach's digestive nerve became paralyzed because I have celiac ( the medicine wasn’t safe for pregnancy)

May 2012- Got the “okay” from my GI doctor that we could try to conceive Becker child #2

July 2012- Decided to against adding maternity insurance to our policy and instead to follow our longtime dream to ADOPT (see the next post about WHY). Met with our Adoption Agency in PA and submitted application, we decided on CHINA, "special needs adoption"!

September 2012- Started my in-home babysitting of Joey, (a four-year old boy), full-time, in order to save up for adoption. Saved up the first $7000 in contract/ Homestudy fees.

February 9, 2013- Saw 4 year old Qingge’s picture for the first time. Doug and I fell in love with her sweet smile! Started researching arthrogryposis, her condition. Spoke to orthopedic surgeons, interviewed physical therapists and a school, and ordered a detailed report from the orphanage through an interpreter. She was in a wheelchair.

March 1, 2013- Received the video of Qingge: we want her!, informed our agency
that we definitely wanted to request her to the Chinese officials- CCCWA. We officially contracted with both LHAA and with our state Homestudy agency
March 2013- Sent out reference letters
March 18, 2013- First Homestudy meeting with social worker
March 25,2013- Discovered that although our adoption agency had asked China for Qingge, another family had somehow intercepted the file and were trying to decide whether they wanted her.
April 2, 2013- Homestudy, social work home inspection
April 11,2013- Found out the other family chose Qingge. We no longer could have her as our daughter. We were HEARTBROKEN and grieved losing her, as if it was a miscarriage.
April 15, 2013- Started online adoption education for Homestudy
May 13, 2013- Found out our Homestudy was almost done BUT the Homestudy agency would not release it until we paid all our post placement fees first- an additional $2500 to save up.
May 22, 2013- Doug's birthday: Jamie first saw a video of Xiatong, a 3 1/2 year old deaf girl, and wept the whole way through the video.
July 2, 2013- Fingerprinted for criminal clearance for the Homestudy
July 2013- started specifically praying for 3 children on the waiting children list: Xiatong, Shane, and Yukun, and asking God for wisdom in which to pursue
July 22, 2013- Paid the last $2500 to the Homestudy agency so they would release the Homestudy, it is complete, drafts waiting on final review
August 14, 2013- We received our signed, sealed, and approved Homestudy (our approval to adopt, from the State of NJ) We immediately asked to read Xiatong's file, which a different adoption agency had, applied for our USCIS approval (approval from the U.S. to adopt), and sent out our application for a financial grant from Lifesong for Orphans. Lol: FedEx/Kinkos was my second home that week!
August 15, 2013- We prayerfully made the HUGE decision to choose to adopt Xiatong specifically and the next wrote up our Letter of Intent to adopt her and we also had our social worker request that China transfer her file to us.
August 30, 2013- We got confirmation that Xiatong's official file was LOCKED to our family and that we could send our Letter of Intent to China the next day to wait for Pre-Approval. An hour later, we ALSO got a call that Lifesong for Orphans had expedited our application (which they rarely ever do apparently) and had awarded us both a $2000 direct grant as well as a $4000 matching grant, the highest amount ever rewarded! Hallelujah!
September 11, 2013- WOW WOW WOW! We got our Pre-Approval Document from China. Statistically, there is a 99.5% chance that Xiatong is going to be OUR DAUGHTER! She will be Katie Grace Xiatong Becker. We will now announce our adoption pursuit and start fundraising to finish paying the adoption fees! Our travel to China is estimated to be this April or May, Lord willing!...

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Tuesday, August 18, 2015

Empathy wins

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ADOPTION Timeline of EVENTS

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