Day 9: Indoor Gardens and then SUPER sick... :/

Thursday we all took a morning trip to a nearby indoor garden in Shijiazhuang. It was immense, 9 floors of plants, flowers, boat rides, arcades, kids' rides, etc.

Katie was terrified of the Mickey and Minnie Mouse statues: 

and we all went on our first carousel as a family of four:, silly Daddy

Katie LOVED the carousel!, we're sitting on a lion

Nine stories up, and partially on all glass floors, I was very very dizzy!

Getting cuddles and kisses from her favorite man in the world!

:0)

Now not such great news:

Even before the Gardens, I developed a headache and dizziness. It escalated...

Twelve hours ago, last night, I posted to Facebook:

"Houston, we have a problem. We are all sick. Katie had some sort of cold/ virus on Gotcha Day and now Cara, Doug, and I are feeling its effects finally. I'm the worst off so far: in bed with fever, chills, body aches, sore throat, cough, and total miserable-ness. Tomorrow morning we all fly out to Guangzhou for another week. Two sick toddlers, two sick parents, first flight together, and feeling bedridden. Lord help us. THANK GOODNESS it's a three hour flight instead of the 30 hours of travel next Thursday!!! Prayers appreciated!"

Then two hours ago, this morning, I posted:

"THANK you for praying we all have a cold with sore throats, but I have something BAD besides it... in Doug's words, "Mama contracted 'Ancient Chinese Virus' from orphanage", lol.... I had 102 fever, BAD chills, bad body aches and weakness where Doug had to help me to and from the bathroom, and vomiting (not related to gluten, I can tell the difference). I cried in the middle of the night, worried we would have to cancel our flight... I slept NINE hours, and woke... still sick but fever broke on it's own, and sipping Gatorade!"

We are so grateful for my big improvement! Please pray for continued healing and strength for today's traveling! We will need it!

Love, Jamie

Day 8: Orphanage Trip! SOOO glad I went!

I am safely back with my favorite three people (I got back nearly 24 hours ago and I posted this then on Facebook, but I finally got a chance to post it here)!!! Wow, wow, wow, I am forever changed by today. I cannot express how very very important it was for me to go. The trip to the orphanage... I have to think about it more what I have learned. It leaves me speechless. It makes me love Katie more and more, knowing where she lived 2 1/2 years of her life in a metal crib most the day. These precious children... some in the baby room were severely disabled and barely responsive... I took SEVERAL videos of children to advocate for. I thanked the staff all through tears, for caring for Katie (I KNOW that they care about the children, they cannot help that they are very under-staffed and under-funded. It was evident that they were overwhelmingly happy that Katie has a family.) Only 20 of the 120 children from that orphanage get to live in a foster family, only those who are the "easiest and least disabled" get the chance. I know the fact that K got to live in a foster family for the past year and a half has made a world of difference!  

Handan Social Welfare Institute

This is the Baby House, where a child can be safely and anonymously abandoned, and out of the elements. (one of only 16 in all of China), so important, as many many babies have died from being abandoned and exposed to the elements. This is groundbreaking!

Praying over and loving on a friends' baby girl... her family is coming in the next several weeks!

The preschooler room!

Katie's crib for the past month, while she waited for us. She sat in that crib, almost all day, for a month. They said she cried for 2 days straight when they took her out of the foster home, back into the orphanage, and then they gave her our pillow with our picture on it and apparently kissed it often and that's how she knew us on Gotcha Day!

Liu Qiu Ge, wearing the dress I had bought but was too small for Katie, This sweetie was abandoned recently.  I can't even imagine!) Her only special need: mobility with her legs. I have a video! She is precious!

I know so many families who have adopted and are pursuing adopting children with Down Syndrome, please spread the word on this sweet angel baby!!! In the video I have of him, they first try to convince me why no one would want him... I wasn't listening. He needs a mama!

The HIGHLIGHT of my orphanage trip, hands down, was getting to see THIS child.... I didn't know it, but her foster brother (her best friend from the past 1 1/2 in the foster home) was taken out of the foster home and is back in the orphanage until he gets a family. I AM NOW ON A MISSION TO FIND A FAMILY FOR HIM! Advocate friends, PLEASE please PLEASE put him on your blogs. Liu Qiu Xin (Choo-Shin), 4 years old,... He has "delayed speech/ low intelligence", according to them, but as you can see in a video I posted to Facebook of him, he is an absolute delight!!!

I think our discomfort and sadness in looking at these pictures of orphans is worth the chance that one of these children might find a FAMILY, and therefore a future and a hope. None of them have ANY future here... as previously discussed. The orphanage WANTS them to be adopted and are thrilled when we are able to give them a chance. The last thing they all said to me, with tears in their eyes, after I explained the wonderful deaf school Katie will attend, "You are the right mother for her. We know she will have a bright future with you. Thank you!" I told them, "A BRIGHT, beautiful future, indeed! I truly believe that Katie will live a wonderful life and grow to be a very special woman." The Lord answered my prayer in a BIG way! "Lord, break my heart for what breaks yours!"

Seeing the children in the baby-4 year room only in cribs reminded me just how BLESSED we are that Katie is an affectionate, thriving child. It makes sense now why every single toy, and even brushes and lids thrill and delight K, she barely saw any toys ever growing up. All she really knew was her crib in those years. I want to say, in the past 3 days, Katie has "come alive", she's making tons more eye contact and interacting better and even ran up to give me hugs tonight a few times! She is funny, and makes up simple games, laughs as she runs into the bathroom to peek under the toilet lid every ten minutes (she's not sure what it is, her foster family didn't have plumbing, and it amuses her) and lights a smile when we hug her or pick her up. She's our sunshine girl and we just adore her!

It's an interesting juxtaposition to the videos of the children just craving sensory input, but I came home yesterday in tears, loving Kate all the more, and badly wanting to "make up" for those years! We found one of her favorite activities... listen to her sweet baby sounds, cooing with utter delight at having her feet massaged with lotion... it helps that Cara's favorite activity has always been putting excess lotion on everything and everybody... a match made in heaven! How we LOVE to bless our Katie-bug! She now sees the lotion bottle and starts cooing! Cute she be any cuter, seriously? Loving these two is the most natural thing in the world! (I posted a video to Facebook of it, but here's a picture of Lotion Time!):

Day 7: Adoption Day! and a Prayer Request

We and our appointment to adopt Katie (fulfill the Chinese side of her adoption), this morning, 13 hours ago. We wrote out why we wanted to adopt her and that we would never leave her. We signed in the famous red fingerprints! SHE IS A BECKER NOW!!! She received her passport and new birth certificate. :)

I don't think she's ever worn sunglasses before, she was enthralled!

We took our guide and driver out to a celebratory lunch while we waited for the certificates to be processed. Have we mentioned, Katie LOVES food? Like… obsessed with food. She would definitely eat until she threw up but we have to stop her every time, she also steals food from Cara when she's not looking, lol, and giggles, and hides food in her pocket... this is very typical behavior from orphans because she's afraid we may not feed her soon, or that if she doesn’t eat quickly, someone will take her food away, etc. ) We call her "Katie Monster", like Cookie Monster, when she does it.

PLEASE PRAY for tomorrow! After REALLY fighting for it, against all the local adoption officials advice, (long, frustrating story) I am still going to make the long day trip out to her orphanage... alone. (Doug will stay with both girls all day at the hotel... they will be fine without me, they are both "Daddy's girls"). I'm only going with our guide (Emma) and a driver. It's a 4-6 hour drive each way in traffic and very bad roads. Handan is a city of 9 million but her orphanage is on the outskirts, I believe, and her foster family, should I get to meet them, are an extra 1 1/2 hours a way. it will be a grueling, LONG, emotional day for me. I NEED your prayers. I know I never walk alone, but because I'm her mommy, it is a very personal journey, and may be one of the hardest days of my life. 

I bought a good amount of toys for each age group tonight at the store and will be bringing those to donate. That is HUGELY important to me, because I am now watching the heart-breaking effects on being raised in an orphanage, in our baby girl. I really can't go into it now, but PLEASE pray for my heart. Adoption opens a HUGE window of both joy and pain, to discover that the one you love, your own child, has lived a VERY difficult life, has been neglected in some significant ways, even if unintentional... There were times in these 24 hours that I couldn't even make sense of the emotions I have been experiencing but I'm so thankful for Doug. He just keeps saying, "But, Jam, no one can ever neglect her again! We don't know that past and we can't change it. She's with us now, and she is loved. That's all that we can focus on." It's just not that simple for me as her mama. I get so angry and heartbroken over the idea that she hasn't been nurtured like she should have. I don't even know who I'm angry at. Just overwhelmingly sad. This is our BABY. 

Then we saw today on the "Abandonment Certificate", the NAMES of the TWO PEOPLE who found her, at 2 months old, abandoned outside the village, and rescued her, immediately calling the police. Woah! I never knew they'd tell us the names! I asked Emma if I could meet them. We are going to TRY to tomorrow (no guarantees), and try to find her approximate "finding spot", where she was found as an infant.

Again, this week has been intense. We are SOOOO happy (Cara as well, she's an amazing sister), and we have had moments of saying to each other, "Are we dreaming? Is she really here with us? We REALLY get to keep her forever?!?"

We see her starting to blossom... another post for another day. She is our sweet baby doll, she has a long road ahead of her, but she will never walk it alone and we know God has WONDERFUL plans for her future! 

Day 6: May 5, 2014: GOTCHA DAY!!! Best day ever!

I'm going to keep this BRIEF so I get some sleep since the three of my loves are asleep now...

WOW! The Lord truly blessed us beyond what we could EVER imagine...
She. is. absolutely. PERFECT! She's bonding with us, she giggles, she's so happy to cuddle, she reaches for us, she's signed "Daddy" three times and refused to go to sleep without him near her. She smiles at Cara and wanted to hold her hand in the grocery store. She BELLY LAUGHS! What an absolute DELIGHT this child is! We just cannot FATHOM the wonderful truth that she is OURS! In a few hours, after we all hopefully sleep more, we have Adoption Day, (for the Chinese side of the adoption). We go to the Civil Affairs office as a family and officially adopt her!
We are seriously on Cloud Nine!

(We are on attempt three of uploading the Gotcha Day, a 3 minute video of us meeting her... It takes forever! Any suggestions to share it easier? THANKS!)

All three of us are so crazy in love with our angel!!! 

THANK YOU for sharing in our joy!!!

Day 5: Emotional LABOR

3:15 am, China time
First: what is going on in my heart now:

Hi y'all. As I type this, during Cara's nightly "awake time" (usually about 2am-5:30am), we are only SEVEN hours away from holding our little miracle! I bet you are thinking, "I wonder what Jamie and Doug are feeling like?" I interviewed Doug just now and he said that, he "feels the same excitement" of when I was in  labor with Cara. Giddy excitement, tinged with a splash of nervousness.

How do I feel? I wish I knew. During every really major event of my life: when Doug proposed, our wedding day, when I was told that it was "go time", it was time to push Cara out, I felt waves of strange calmness, pensiveness, and almost that "out of body experience". All those times, like these, I wasn't in control at all. Whatever happened, and will happen today, I firmly believe, is already known by God Himself. I wonder if Katie will be crying all day. I wonder if Cara will be super jealous and not want to comfort her. I wonder if she'll even laugh or smile ONCE today. I wonder if Katie will let us cuddle her or if she will completely resist my attempts at soothing her. I can't know, and last night I was as quiet as a mouse, just thinking. Everything is about to change for each of us TODAY. I feel this tension in my heart that this morning is a indescribably joyful time for us, but I cannot, as a mother, neglect to notice the painful feeling in my heart that Katie IS grieving, will be very confused, and will be experiencing intense feelings that I absolutely cannot "fix", as much as I want to, and that I "can't wrap my mind around", as hard as I try.

I know with certainty that the Lord will accomplish His purposes for today, with or without my trust in Him. I am choosing to trust fully in Him, and know that HE made Katie, HE is with her as she does her "last sleep" without her mama, that HE is the one who can slowly and beautifully heal her brokenness. HE is the Savior, not me. I really believe (although many of you reading this may not believe this, and that is your right to your own beliefs), that we did not really choose Katie from a group of orphans, The Lord chose her for us, and us for her, before she was even born, just as he knew Cara would exist, and be our baby too.

I'm amazed that this TWENTY-TWO month wait, (since we made the initial decision to pursue adoption instead of conceiving, and I started babysitting Joey full-time to save up money), and this 4 YEAR wait for Katie is going to reach it's completion in seven short hours.

Yesterday we took an enjoyable hour-long train ride to Shijiazhuang, the capital city of her province, Hebei. We ate a Korean bulgogi lunch and went grocery shopping with our new translator and guide, Emma, age 24, and the adoption coordinator, Mrs. Wang, age 31. They are both very kind and likable and Emma even watched a movie with Cara in the room while I unpacked and carefully organized everything out of all of our luggage, since we will be here in this city all week until Friday, when we fly to Guangzhou for another week of appointments (and fly home as a family of 4 on May 15th!)

In Beijing, we saw a couple Westerners each hour. Here, we have seen NONE. We are probably the first blonde people some of these locals have ever seen. No one has requested photos yet here but ALL have stared, followed us around stores, whispered, and told Emma how beautiful Cara is. In Beijing, Dennis told us it was because she is a "jin fa": "golden hair", and the "ideal child". Whew, that's so strange for me. Ironically, I know Katie will get a bunch of attention in the U.S. for being adopted from China. If they are staring now, just wait until they see Doug and me with BOTH girls!

Today, we meet and receive Katie at 10:30 am or so. They told us that we aren't going to the civil affairs office to meet her (we'll go there tomorrow morning, Tuesday, to sign all the adoption papers). We will meet her in our hotel lobby briefly, then we will bring her back to our hotel room so as not to "disturb the hotel guests with her crying". Oh man.

I have pictures from yesterday, but I will add them later to this post. I'm in "emotional labor" right now and just have to focus! LOL, today, I might even have to employ "Lamaze" breathing. Kidding! Wait, maybe. Hmmm. lol

For those of you have never seen it, I would encourage you to watch Katie's video. We made it 6 months ago for our fundraising "Katie's Dinner". At the end, it says "6 more months"... now it's closer to 6 more hours!!! Here's the link again:  http://www.kizoa.com/slideshow/d6703135kP144326994o4/katies-dinner-video-119

THANK YOU for all the continual prayers, astounding love and support you have all poured out on us, and your enthusiasm. THANK YOU for cheering us on. I feel like so many of you are living this vicariously through me, and I don't feel alone.

Today, it may be hours after we get her that we will have a chance to post anything. I will try but it's more important to me to calm my baby and bond. You should see pictures, if not a brief blogpost, by the time you go to work Monday morning. :) I know just how much you want to see pictures, I was the exact same way for Greg and Allison Despres' adoption 3 years ago of Sienna. Every morning they were in China, I'd wake up and immediately open my laptop to go to their blog for more pictures. Every morning was like Christmas morning. I didn't know it, but the Lord was softening and preparing my heart to not just be an outside observer, but to actually decide that adoption was our path too! I'm praying that for so many of you. I can "tell" whose hearts God is developing a dream and passion in as well, even some of you who are in your fifties. Many empty-nesters go on to adopt from China. If our story inspires even ONE of you to "go for it", I will be thrilled. I know it's not for everyone, but fear should never prevent us from following our God-given dreams. I'm praying for you all as you continue following our journey!
MUCH love! Jam

Day 4 of the trip: Jade Shop, Great Wall, and the Summer Palace

Fine Jade Factory and Shop in the morning

Saturday, May 3, 2014

Today was our last sightseeing day in the Beijing area. We just love the rich history and culture and people! We especially appreciate our tour guide, Dennis. He is so fantastic with children, has such a great knowledge of China, and his favorite author is Tim Keller! How can you go wrong? We started the day at the Jade Factory and Shop, with very high quality, fine jade as well as breathtaking framed silk embroidery. 

 After pondering the options, we carefully selected a soft white ancient jade and sterling pendant to purchase as a meaningful gift for our Kate. It's from a piece of fine jade that is hundreds of thousands years old. I am going to wear it on Gotcha Day and Adoption Day and we will present it to Katie when she is older. It is a circle, in China: symbolizing both the Moon Festival: the re-unification of family, and in the U.S., the circle symbolizes eternity, an unending commitment. We will love her forever. She was meant to be a part of our family since before she was born... As our song for her goes, 'we have loved you for a thousand years, and we'll love you for a thousand more!' (Perri).

Cara with our driver who totally adores her, Mr. Geng, in front of a silk embroidered panel.

The Great Wall of China in the late morning 

Truly a landmark, thousands of miles long, but we went to a popular portion near Beijing. We all climbed a bit but the only Doug and Dennis climbed up the steepest and furthest parts. Cara and I waited for them and were eventually mobbed by family photo opps. :)

It was already there. YES, He does! :)

Here's the Blond Celebrity Phenomenon crowd... and I'm busy getting more TicTacs out for the children. 

We love China!

The Emperor's Summer Palace and Gardens in the Afternoon

What a gorgeous place, Dennis led us on a tour of the Emperor's gardens from the 17th century and we took a brief dragon boat cruise. Cara had just woke from a nap (she had been up since 2 am) and only wanted to be held.

Okay, I'm off to take my baby to swimming in the hotel pool finally as promised and grab some dinner before we leave in the morning for Katie's province. The high speed train ride with all our luggage may prove logistically challenging. We will REALLY miss Beijing and Dennis: I really thought today: I truly respect and appreciate China! I'm so grateful for the chance to experience her heritage and nation's history. Next week though, we get to experience HER China: Handan. A third of my heart is in Handan and will be meeting me in Shijiazhuang in 39 1/2 hours (but who's counting?!?) ;)