Day 3: Non-stop day, touring and enjoying Beautiful Beijing!

First of all the jet lag--- it has us out of sorts. I couldn't get tired before midnight or so Thursday night and then Cara had been sleeping for four hours and woke up! She was up, wide awake for FIVE HOURS, from midnight to 5am on Friday morning. I hadn't slept one wink. We were supposed to meet our guide at 9am, but we pushed it back until 10:30 for Cara to sleep. I slept 2 hours. Cara slept from 5 until 10:30 am. Because of time, crowds from the holidays, and a heightened security check, we decided to skip Tiananmen Square. I'm glad we did...

Cara slept 8pm-midnight and then 5am-10:30am!

Forbidden City in the late morning!
We thought it was gorgeous!!! It really gave us a feel for China's rich history, Katie's homeland, and the culture. It has thousands of buildings built for the emperors and has over 200 courtyards. If the emperor slept in a different room every night, it would take him 21 years to repeat a room!

We were blessed by a rarity on Beijing: a gorgeous, SUNNY, and windy day. PERFECT weather, about 73 degrees with a strong breeze.

Lol, don't climb the 6 foot tall, "perilous" wall!

The Blonde Celebrity Phenomenon: Cara was FAMOUS everywhere... lol...

People would literally wait in a line to stand next to us and take a picture... we kept her VERY close...

And then the one time she was out of the Ergo carrier, a woman giddily scooped her up for a photo and mocked that she was going to walk off with her (and started to)... she was kidding but Mama Bear was done with photo opps for the day! Back in the Ergo, Care Bear!

testing these pics before adding the rest of the pics.... 

RICK-SHAW RIDE in the Beijing neighborhood, in the early afternoon...

after hours of walking, we especially enjoyed a relaxing, breezy rick-shaw ride through an old neighborhood. Believe it or not, these tiny homes are only for rich people, because of the location. 

Such a sweetheart! This little girl, the 4 year old daughter of a bao street food vendor, MeiZan, gave Cara a gift of a pink balloon after Cara shared stickers with her. She asked us if Cara was sure she could keep them, she was worried Cara might need them. She was just precious.

Traditional Tea Ceremony at a Tea House in the late afternoon:

Soaking in Katie's heritage continued as we really enjoyed, as Cara called it, a "tea party", with a woman teaching us the tradition of a tea ceremony. This was a great because Cara really loves all types of tea. We enjoyed ginseng oolong, jasmine, puer (spelling?), rose and lychee, and a dried fruit tea. I bought a fine lychee tea (called beauty tea) to give as a special gift to Katie's foster mom to tell her that her loving care to my baby is "so beautiful to me"!

(blurry, sorry)

What a trooper!

Not done yet! An ACROBAT show in the evening!

No joke, I seriously think this was one of the BEST, most impressive, and entertaining shows I've ever seen! A must-see! It was incredible! I kept wishing Katie was there to enjoy it too, they were incredibly talented!

                     (eight motorcycles in one cage)                                   (all on ONE bicycle!)

We ended the night with a long walk through Beijing to a little place for a scrumptious and gluten free Peking Duck dinner with our dear Dennis... Cara slept through it all. Doug and Dennis enjoyed DONKEY with lotus root as well. He loved it.

Spicy Donkey with Lotus Root

The best Peking Duck ever with sides, and my signature garlic oil broccoli that Dennis always orders for me! 

Celiac travelers, go here for a gluten free Peking Duck feast!

Okay, I'm hoping for 5-6 hours of solid sleep. I KNOW you are all praying because it's simply impossible that I'm doing so well on this little sleep. In the past 48 hours, I've gotten a TOTAL of two hours sleep. That's insane, and I feel pretty good, even after trekking through China's capital ALL DAY! 

Okay, tomorrow's the Great Wall and then Sunday we take a train to Katie! (We get settled into the hotel Sunday and go meet her and get her the next morning). TWO AND A HALF MORE DAYS!!! AHHH! WE. ARE. PUMPED!

Day 1 and 2 of Trip: We're Here!

From my Facebook post on Thursday, May 1st:

We're here!!! Dizzily exhausted but happy and content! Thank you for the prayers for the flight, Cara was really pretty good, only fussed before she went to sleep. She slept 6 hours straight, Doug got 4 hours, I got 3 on and off. We had no problem at customs, they let us straight through. There wasn't any traffic and I was very pleased that she at least had a seat belt in our van. We have a guide and driver for just us for our whole time in Beijing (now until Sunday) because Living Hope is such a small adoption agency. The Novotel Peace Hotel is gorgeous and nicer than expected. Cara LOVES the hotel. My favorite Cara quote of the day: "Mom! There are a lot, a lot, a lot of Chinese people here in China!!!" and "Can we just go get Katie right now? I want to play with my sister today!" Our guide, Dennis is awesome. We just took showers and are relaxing, then Dennis is taking us to dinner in a bit. We are just incredulous that we are only a couple of hours away from Katie's town. We are thankful though to have this time until Monday morning to settle in and get over our crazy jet lag. I've only slept 3-4 hours a night for the past 4 nights. My adrenaline has been so strong, I didn't even realize I was tired until an hour ago, I was unpacking and the room started spinning. Sheesh! It's 6:45pm here (12 hours ahead of NJ). Really, Cara is doing AMAZINGLY... much, much better than we expected! Love you all!

Leaving Jersey Wednesday April 30th, 9am flight to Chicago

Boarded flight to Chicago and got THE LAST spot for our carry-ons! 

I slept 3 hours of the 14 hour flight from Chicago to Beijing, Doug slept 4, and Cara did really very well, sleeping 6 hours straight... 

We were looking worse for the wear, but we made it to the 90 degree Beijing, arriving 3:15pm, Thursday May 1st. 

Cara LOVES the hotel! Novotel Peace Hotel in Beijing

Our view, 13th floor

Cara's "bed"-- the couch, pulled up to ours.

Our first restaurant, our awesome guide, Dennis has worked so hard to ensure I get delicious food to eat that is still safely gluten free! Yay!

Leaving on a jet plane, the next day!

(A Facebook post from Tuesday, April 29th)...

Just had a thought as I fill a small photo album to give Katie of her home and family, to teach her signs. This little sweet person has already turned my heart upside down and is about to turn our lives upside down--in a challenging but wonderful way. Who are you, Katie? I want to KNOW you. I'm your mommy but I have a feeling that I'm going to learn more about myself, this world, God, and grow as a person because of YOU. This world has not been kind to you and that breaks my heart. No matter how difficult this gets: Mommy & Daddy love you. We're coming, baby!!!

Our Bittersweet Week: Grief and Joy

We got Travel Approval last Thursday! That means China has agreed that we can come pick up Kate. This is so surreal!

What a roller coaster ride of a week this has been. Most of you know, Doug's dad, John, went to be with Jesus very unexpectedly last Monday. He died instantly of a heart attack but the circumstances of finding him were horrible for all of our family. He knew The Lord and was one of the most kind, attentive, gentle men I've ever known. We know he's in Glory but we are all grieving and still in shock. Doug and our family gave a wonderful memorial service for him a couple days ago.

Yesterday was ROUGH though, going back to "normal life". We miss him terribly and he was so excited to meet Katie. We pushed travel back one week to allow ourselves more time to grieve and prepare. We are allowing ourselves to take joy in our news that we are FINALLY going to get our sweetie now!!! We just received our flight reservations: our consulate appointment is scheduled, we fly out next week, on April 30th until May 15th with Cara (Thank you to our friend house-sitting for us). When I saw HER flight reservations, particularly, for "Liu Xia Tong", it got really real. We are going over as a family of 3 and coming home as a family of 4!

We can't wait to hold her! Doug and I have discussed how losing John has made us prepare in a way, more for Katie's grief. Cara, our biological daughter, is grieving badly: since she lost her "Opo", she hasn't been eating, has completely reversed potty-training, has long tantrums and crying spells, and at first wouldn't even look at us and would throw toys at my head. She was so angry and confused. Cara lost ONE character of her life and member of her family. We spent all day every Sunday with him but only once a week. BUT Cara has been nurtured and loved by us and never neglected. Katie is about to lose (and maybe already has, we think they have removed her from her foster home already) EVERY character of her life, almost everyone she remembers from the past year and a half at her foster home, including her little foster brother: her constant companion and bed-mate, and has been placed back in the orphanage that is short-staffed enough that they can't give much attention to a grieving toddler. When we come, she will lose EVERY familiar character AND every place she's ever known. Doug and I saw first hand how confusing grief affects the behavior of a nurtured child, much less a neglected one. We literally verbalized to each other that even if Katie cries for the first week straight and bites and hits and tantrums, we won't be surprised. If she does better than that, we will be pleasantly surprised. Grief at this age is complicated and confusing and really, will continue to be displayed in behaviors periodically (sometimes from triggers and sometimes without much warning) for years. But we aren't leaving her. We are in it for the long haul. She's about to experience unconditional love, maybe for the first time in her life.

Yesterday, I had this song running through my head: There were times yesterday when the intensity of all the emotions seemed incredible to us. We are claiming beauty from these ashes and we know John is in Glory and would be taking JOY in his Katie coming home so very soon. The Lord had made beautiful things out of John's life. He was a simple man with a very difficult childhood but God gave him such a tender and compassionate heart. Now The Lord is taking an orphan, with a tragic beginning and giving her a glorious future with a family who will love her forever. He makes BEAUTIFUL THINGS! "Beautiful Things" by Gungor

" All this pain

I wonder if I’ll ever find my way

I wonder if my life could really change at all

All this earth

Could all that is lost ever be found

Could a garden come up from this ground at all

You make beautiful things

You make beautiful things out of the dust

You make beautiful things

You make beautiful things out of us

All around

Hope is springing up from this old ground

Out of chaos life is being found in You

You make beautiful things

You make beautiful things out of the dust

You make beautiful things

You make beautiful things out of us (2 x) 

You make me new, You are making me new

You make me new, You are making me new. "

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=nJ4yNYY1hHM&feature=youtu.be

It is a Truth we see everywhere this time of year, SPRING: death to new life, EASTER: death to new life, and now, the bittersweet reality of losing a loved one (but John has a new body in heaven with no more sickness or pain) and now gaining a new loved one. Everything is made new in Him.
Everything is about to change for our Kate!

Our growth update from April 2014 at 4.3 years old: 30 lbs, 35 inches (a 2T),

 and size 6 shoe.

Here's her newest adorable video, running around, she's a busy bee: https://vimeo.com/91694597

Happy Easter from the Beckers! 

Sorting clothing and unexpected feelings...

Today I succeeded in getting halfway through the task of sorting through Cara's "new" 4T and 5T summer clothes from her cousin, and packing away her 4T winter clothes for Katie, and also sorting through Cara's old 2T clothes from two summers ago and figuring out what will fit Katie and what is already too small for her. (We are waiting on her updated measurements, but believe she's about 25 pounds, and in 24 months or 2T as a 4 year old.)

Today I knew I'd feel happy reminiscence at each item of Cara's clothing. As I sorted through the boxes I remembered each adorable outfit, and the memories that went with them. Like this one, a 24 months one (Cara wore it at 18 months old):

Cara wore this one on a special play date with her friend Mia, also to a outdoor celebration at Harvard for my sister's law school graduation, and on a picnic with Mommy. 

Spring 2012

I took it out of the 24 months box along with a couple other items that seemed to run big and taped up the rest of "probably too small for Katie" items in that box to go back in the attic. Then out of nowhere, I felt a horrible realization... something I barely ever consider. By the time Doug came to bring that box back up into the attic, I was in tears. Kate's 4 years old. I missed her at this age: 

Spring 2012

and at this one:

Spring 2013

During those times, the first, in an orphanage crib the majority of the day, and the second, in a foster home... I wasn't there to hold her or kiss her or hear her giggle. Those FOUR YEARS are gone. I can't explain really how it makes me feel. I didn't expect this aspect and I am pretty sure this particularly feeling will be magnified when I'm rocking her to sleep, etc. There is definitely grief over it in my heart, no doubt. 

I also have JOY though... I fully realize that there is no point dwelling on the negative. I choose to focus on the positive, I have two beautiful, precious daughters to fill these NEW dresses and to make memories with! Spring 2010, 2011, 2012, and 2013 we may have all spent apart. There is nothing I can do about that. BUT Spring 2014 and the next several decades are going to be AWESOME and filled with memories.

I'm SO thankful for the gift of two children to love! They were both worth the wait! 

An important post: I almost missed EVERYTHING

I know, I know, I haven't blogged in nearly 3 months... every blogpost is usually written when I'm super emotional, so I wanted this one to be different, when I'm not weepy, lol,... I first wanted to add this journal entry I had written a couple weeks ago (March 11). We found out we had not only received our Letter of Acceptance from China (Feb 24), but also our I-800 Approval (final U.S. approval on March 10). My head was almost spinning all day March 10th with to-do lists, anxiety, etc.
I wrote in my journal:
"Yesterday I was so overcome with planning and stress, I couldn't quiet my heart to celebrate. We have FINAL APPROVAL from TWO NATIONS to bring Katie into our family forever.

This journey, it will have been 13 months from start to finish (21 months from when we first decided to adopt)...

this whole journey...

the emotions,

the pain at times,

the anxiety,

the 

L
O
N
G
wait, 

EVERYTHING,

... will happily be at it's end, ready for a new beginning-- a lifetime of loving her-- the minute she's placed in my arms.

FRIENDS... please please please take note:

I ALMOST missed the blessing.

I ALMOST missed the chance to know this little girl. This one right here (peering at her birthday cake) :

You see, I really almost let the BLARING fears of the unknown cripple me. 

You have no idea how many times at the beginning of this process I had fears rise up from my own heart, and often heard objections from friends:

"But HOW will you be able to raise a special needs child-- that can ruin a marriage!"

"But WHAT will other people think about a child who looks different than you?"

"But WON'T you ruin Cara's life by giving her a sibling like that, she'll resent you!"

"But HOW will you get the money for the adoption fees. You're a pastoral family!"

HAD I NOT trusted the Lord could and would help us in this journey, Katie would still be Xiatong, she'd still be an orphan, a ward of the People's Republic of China.

The WONDER of the simultaneous tragedy and miracle of adoption is not lost on me, I assure you! 

-----

A friend in the adoption community, Missy, actually said something very similar to my journal entry last week, as she held her two precious, newly adopted children, she said, " I do want to remind you all that there is a God who is making all things new, and that He is waiting for you. I would have missed EVERYTHING if I had missed Jesus. " Today, this makes me wonder what other miracles and deep wells of blessing and joy I have actually missed through the years. I want my life to be poured out for the Lord. It's not easy, with being a pastoral family, Doug and I have especially been exhausted by our vocational, and continual ministry to others. We have found that we have to retreat, we have to say "no" to people's constant demands and requests sometimes, and we have to remind each other how much the Lord loves us. 

As you know, songs often minister to my heart. Friday night a sweet friend, Jimmy, gifted Doug and I with tickets to the Casting Crowns concert. It had been a rather stressful week for both of us. I had heard this song numerous times but never carefully pondered the lyrics. They blew me away. Whatever you are struggling with, turn to Jesus. Life and our futures are often a total mystery to us, but to Him who knows everything, our life is already a MEMORY. Crazy to ponder, huh? Whenever we are scared of the future, we can trust the One who made heaven and earth and in whom all things hold together (Colossians 1:16-17).

Here's the lyrics: 

From where I'm standing

Lord it's so hard for me to see
Where this is going
And where You're leading me
I wish I knew how
All my fears and all my questions
Are gonna play out
In a world I can't control

When I'm lost in the mystery
To You my future is a memory
Cause You're already there
You're already there
Standing at the end of my life
Waiting on the other side
And You're already there
You're already there

From where You're standing
Lord, You see a grand design
That You imagined
When You breathed me into life
And all the chaos
Comes together in Your hands
Like a masterpiece
Of Your picture perfect plan
When I'm lost in the mystery
To You my future is a memory
Cause You're already there
You're already there
Standing at the end of my life
Waiting on the other side
And You're already there
You're already there

One day I'll stand before You
And look back on the life I've lived
I can't wait to enjoy the view
And see how all the pieces fit [x2]

One day I'll stand before You
And look back on the life I've lived
Cause You're already there
You're already there
When I'm lost in the mystery
To You my future is a memory
Cause You're already there
You're already there
Standing at the end of my life
Waiting on the other side
And You're already there
You're already there

You are already there

We are a moment, He is eternal. If I had let INSURMOUNTABLE fears outweigh my faith, Katie Grace Xiatong Becker would not be 5-6 weeks from being in her mommy's arms forever. Her future would be bleak. Our choices DO matter. I can't wait to look back not only at my life one day, but Katie's. A beautiful life full of memories that wouldn't exist without the Lord pushing Doug and I forward, strengthening us by His grace and provision, and seeing us through this journey. The blessing God may be gently pushing you towards may not be adoption, it may be befriending a lonely person in your community (I have a HUGE story on that topic), or starting to volunteer your time in a youth mentoring program, or even reconciling with an old friend. All I can say is, when He is the one leading and equipping you, it might be hard but it will be worth it, and you will be blessed. Big picture: one day it will all make sense.

Here's the song

Or Click HERE for the song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qtg9axTtNLg

.